[Kelley]: You just don’t know what you’ve got ‘till it’s gone…
[Steve]: Dude…No it didn’t. Also, where did you get that hat? And the sunglasses? And is that…a martini?! WE’VE BEEN STRANDED FOR A WEEK AND YOU HAD BOOZE THE WHOLE TIME?!
[Kelley]: Yeah. I just took the boat back to town and got a few things.
[Steve]: There’s a BOAT?!…Why didn’t you get some pants then?!
[Kelley]: Who wears pants when they don’t have to? Get with the program, Steve.
[Kelley]: Come on, Kelley! It’s only four thousand pounds…! Hnnng!
[Kelley]: I know, I know! I’m sorry! I didn’t really mean to push you in the lake…I was just mad because I lost my job…If you want to smash me or something, I don’t blame you. Go ahead. I deserve it…
[Golembro]: You cray-cray or somethin? Why would I smash you when you just saved me? We should be homies, not enemies. It’s my job to protect testificates, not myself.
[Kelley]: But…I pushed you in the lake in the first place…
[Golembro]: Cool. If I knew you were gonna be such a little bitch about losing your job I would have sent you a gift basket or somethin.
[Kelley]: Er…speaking of, Enderbro told me to give you this:
[Golembro]: Fancy soap? Man that guy’s insane in the brain. Golems don’t need soap…Wait, scratch that…
[[A/N: What’s funny is that I drew this before I even saw your question. XD We’re on the same wavelength!]]
[Golembro]: Did that punk bitch think he was bein’ cute or somethin’? Bein’ funny? ‘Cause now I gotta spend the rest of eternity with this rusty loser. Ain’t nothin’ funny about it!
[[A/N: I’m getting a bazillion asks saying Kelley should be a miner.
[Kelley]: Sometimes I think bludgeoning is my only skill…I wouldn’t dare mine with Steve—that’s just asking for a cave-in!
[Kelley]: But…I love being village guard. It’s all I know! What am I supposed to do now?
[Mayor]: Not my problem. Good luck!
[Kelley]: There is nothing more traumatic, let me tell you! Good thing our village depleted the iron mines like 10 years ago.
[Kelley]: What?! Since when?!
[Jim]: Eh, a few days ago. We’ll probably have a golem by the end of the week. Better start surfing those classifieds…
[Enderbro]: it’s just a jump to the left
* * *
[[A/N: I LOVE Rocky Horror. This was bound to happen eventually. :D]]
[Kelley]: “Promise revoked”? Where’s your honor, Steve?! You can’t just do that!
[Steve]: Dude, listen…Herobrine crawled inside my head, beat up my soul, and was forcibly ejected from my mouth. It didn’t feel nice, okay? Can you just let this one slide?
[Kelley]: I’ll trade it back for a smooch. Enjoy your imaginary milkshakes.
[Steve]: …Melody why.
[Kelley]: This is good readin’! When’s volume 2 coming out?
(HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY! She only nags you out of love~)
[Kelley]: Haha! I’m such a bitch!