[Kelley]: Come on, Kelley! It’s only four thousand pounds…! Hnnng!

[Kelley]: I know, I know! I’m sorry! I didn’t really mean to push you in the lake…I was just mad because I lost my job…If you want to smash me or something, I don’t blame you. Go ahead. I deserve it…

[Golembro]: You cray-cray or somethin? Why would I smash you when you just saved me? We should be homies, not enemies. It’s my job to protect testificates, not myself.

[Kelley]: But…I pushed you in the lake in the first place…

[Golembro]: Cool. If I knew you were gonna be such a little bitch about losing your job I would have sent you a gift basket or somethin.

[Kelley]: Er…speaking of, Enderbro told me to give you this:

[Golembro]: Fancy soap? Man that guy’s insane in the brain. Golems don’t need soap…Wait, scratch that…

[[A/N: Ask Golembro is now a thing! How cool! 8D

Remember that this blog is fan-made and the answers may not be canon. Go ask some questions!]]

[[A/N: What’s funny is that I drew this before I even saw your question. XD We’re on the same wavelength!]]

[Golembro]: Did that punk bitch think he was bein’ cute or somethin’? Bein’ funny? ‘Cause now I gotta spend the rest of eternity with this rusty loser. Ain’t nothin’ funny about it!

[Kelley]: But…I love being village guard. It’s all I know! What am I supposed to do now?

[Mayor]: Not my problem. Good luck!

[Golembro]: It taught me that machines can break down but nature is never obsolete. Makes me all emotional ‘n shit.

nitrogensynapse asked: A height chart you say? Here you go: i[.]imgur[.]com/IRtJP[.]jpg (excuse my messy lines...) Anyway, going by the heights in the game, this is what they'd all look like side by side. Iron golems are about as tall as Endermen, and I imagine Kelley would be juuuuust a hair shorter them a golem. Poor Steve is only taller then Gordon, and Gordon is actually quite large when in placed-block form, 'cause all blocks in minecraft are exactly 1 meter cubed.

[[A/N: Hey, look how cool this is! :D Thanks bro!]]

hanicizkanio asked: What would Golembro look like as a human?

[[A/N: I was going to draw a picture, but then I saw this photo, and now I feel like I don’t need to:

[Steve]: Apparently that doesn’t fly in their culture…

[Steve]: Golembro lives in a different village. A village I’m apparently banned from. Enderbro still goes over there and hangs out with him…All I did was “borrow” a diamond from the blacksmith and he goes crazy on me! What an asshole.

[Steve]: Well I WOULD, but…

[[A/N: Eh, sure. XD I tried to write him like he’s a bouncer. I could go further with that, I think.]]

[Golembro]: A rose? Yo, that shit’s real profound, son. Forget what I said earlier, I can tell we gonna be tight.

[Enderbro]: oh good

for a minute there I thought you were going to smash me

[Golembro]: There’s more to life than smashing, Homie. Come on, I’ll show you my garden. My petunias are off the fukken railz.